Never say never but I'll say never. I'll put it this way. I feel like I'll never get the golden ticket. Some brilliant idea isn't going to jump into my head and give me the focus on what to do with my life. At my age I shouldn't still be going through this. That's assuming there is a timeline that I'm supposed to follow. If I just ramble on and don't take the time to thing anything I create won't be as good as it could be. But I could also become frozen and over analyze things. I've had to give up just about everything I really wanted in life. I didn't do it willingly. You can say it's all my fault but I didn't know how to stop it. Now I'm in my fourth decade of life and can't find a place to focus my attention. If I could just get rid of these feelings of inadequacy. I keep thinking that anything I decide to do that has any importance is going to take more effort and resources that I just don't have. Now that my mind has seemingly caught up and given me the will to go on the body starts to fail. Getting in peak physical condition is going to be difficult when trying to do so makes aches and pains that linger. One of the only reasons I want to do that is I think it may alleviate some of the negative self image I have. I hate mirrors. Always have. Could never stand what I see. And no matter what I did I could never change my body. Working out. Eating right. Always brought mediocre results. Now it seems my body has stopped responding at all.