Date: 4/7/2015
The Big Events of the Day:
The Big Events of the Day:
- Got the ok to be a delivery driver. Started making some pickups and deliveries
- It was opening day yesterday. I don't care about sports.
The Goblins in my Head:
- Taxes are due next week
- I'm behind on utilities. Scraping by paycheck to paycheck.
- The camry needs cv joints. I can sell it for some quick cash possibly
- Registration for camry
- Truck insurance payment didn't go through. Late fee and cancellation notice.
- Progress is still too slow for me but I don't know what to do next to make more money.
Anything Good to Mention:
- I exercised 3 or 4 times last week.
- Spent time out of the store driving the delivery truck.
Plan of action:
- Get adequate rest so I'm not tired at work.
- Call loancare to tell them I accept the offer for the mortgage compromise
Thought of the Day:
Your purpose is to hold long enough to make people think it is possible.
What's more likely? Your mind made up a mythical creature to explain why you exist. Or that there really is a being that wants to punish you?
I think of all the disappointment I've had in my life. You weren't Lorenzo lamas. You didn't become rich and famous. You lost the car of your dreams. You lost all of your possessions. You lost the women that you loved. Cruelly so. You've come to the fork in the road. Continue striving with no guarantee of success or give up and accept the mediocre. Have I picked a goal that is impossible to have?
All my striving didn't prevent me from being right where I didn't want to be. All the effort to change and I couldn't make one hair white or black. You could say it's the sin in me - I don't do what I want and what I don't want I do...
If I trace back my behavior it's a resistance to doing something I don't want to do. Or being blamed for something that wasn't my fault. Where did I learn that life is just about doing things you don't want to?
Joy must be given its due. If I only write about the bad that is the wolf I'll feed. My job is to bring to life those things that are hidden away in my mind. The pictures of how I thought my life would be.
If god could create the world in six days using only his words what can I do in my life?
The only problem with creating the life I want is it's only temporary. If I really want to change my life why don't I ?
The secret thoughts we have about others. Write about it.
Ok you called me a name. Now what? Does that help me?
When I get aroused another emotion is mixed in with it. I'm assuming it's anger and maybe some shame and guilt. That's why I have performance problems. I've got to separate those emotions out to stop it. Might do good to find out where they come from so I can eliminate them.
I'm getting smarter. Whatever I'm doing seems to be working. Just the fact that I recognize it is a good sign. Probably the combination of exercising consistently helps. Also taking my goals seriously and the fact they are based on something higher. I will have to write more about this. Also refine my idea of my ideal self. I think I threw out that paper in a fit of self condemnation.
What's more likely? Your mind made up a mythical creature to explain why you exist. Or that there really is a being that wants to punish you?
I think of all the disappointment I've had in my life. You weren't Lorenzo lamas. You didn't become rich and famous. You lost the car of your dreams. You lost all of your possessions. You lost the women that you loved. Cruelly so. You've come to the fork in the road. Continue striving with no guarantee of success or give up and accept the mediocre. Have I picked a goal that is impossible to have?
All my striving didn't prevent me from being right where I didn't want to be. All the effort to change and I couldn't make one hair white or black. You could say it's the sin in me - I don't do what I want and what I don't want I do...
If I trace back my behavior it's a resistance to doing something I don't want to do. Or being blamed for something that wasn't my fault. Where did I learn that life is just about doing things you don't want to?
Joy must be given its due. If I only write about the bad that is the wolf I'll feed. My job is to bring to life those things that are hidden away in my mind. The pictures of how I thought my life would be.
If god could create the world in six days using only his words what can I do in my life?
The only problem with creating the life I want is it's only temporary. If I really want to change my life why don't I ?
The secret thoughts we have about others. Write about it.
Ok you called me a name. Now what? Does that help me?
When I get aroused another emotion is mixed in with it. I'm assuming it's anger and maybe some shame and guilt. That's why I have performance problems. I've got to separate those emotions out to stop it. Might do good to find out where they come from so I can eliminate them.
I'm getting smarter. Whatever I'm doing seems to be working. Just the fact that I recognize it is a good sign. Probably the combination of exercising consistently helps. Also taking my goals seriously and the fact they are based on something higher. I will have to write more about this. Also refine my idea of my ideal self. I think I threw out that paper in a fit of self condemnation.
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