every time i sit down to write a voice in my head tells me this is a stupid endeavor. it's very hard to create something of value when almost every minute of the day the critic in my head takes every opportunity to shoot everything down.
the hidden world of the subconscious
i just had a frightening experience. it was like the scene in american werewolf in london. one minute i'm sitting here and the next this paralyzing fear overtook me and it was like the door to my subconscious had opened while i was awake. maybe like pandora's box but fragments of dreams that i've had started popping into my conscious mind. it could be compared to your life flashing before your eyes before you die. Things i'd forgot i'd forgotten. scary things. i actually screamed out just like david naughton's character in the movie.
i've been forcing myself to listen to christian radio stations. what is that thing called that happens to you when you can't accept reality? i'm not talking about denial. it's a horrific existence. i wonder why i haven't been killed yet. i'm no more worthy than any other human being but some of them die horrible deaths.
he was getting scared now. he felt like one of those characters on a tv show that always felt misunderstood and the cops would just look at with scorn. he couldn't be turning into one of those people. that would just be too terrifying. The sane people of the world don't know how good they've got it. insanity is horrible and knowing you are insane carries a burden that most people can't fathom.
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