The only way to conquer it was to go through it. It had become an online confessional. Every bad thought and bad action was being exposed. If he revealed everything he would have no where to hide. He wouldn't try to deny it any more. The wolf you feed will be the one that grows. The thought occurred to him that he was only pointing out the obvious.
He got a call the other day from the employer who had offered him a job. He got worried that they were going to rescind the offer because of either a failed drug test or a mark on his record from the background check. He braced himself for the call back. He called and the hiring manager was off that day. He called back the next day and he was in a meeting. He left a message but didn't get a call back. He called a couple hours later and finally reached him. When he answered the phone he asked me if he had offered me a job. He'd forgotten after doing several interview I thought. I said yes you offered me a job and I was supposed to start Monday. He asked if I could come in Saturday instead. I said yes. All that worry over nothing. But it taught me a lesson. You should always have Plan B. Maybe that wasn't a good way to put it. You should always be able to adapt when things don't go as planned. Have several options. Diversify as it were.
why are you doing this? it's not even real. you just want people to feel sorry for you. and what if he did get over it? would that mean that he had just made it all up? was everything they said true? was he just looking for attention and this was the only way he knew how to get it?
Equal parts force of will and equal parts of letting go. He is going to expose every one of those negative thoughts in his head. They wouldn't be allowed to hide. It wasn't so he could feel bad about himself or to get pity. It was to crush those thoughts. Slay them like dragons. They were not welcome any more in his mind. He was tired from drinking the night before and staying up late to write. Sleep hadn't been restful so he was feeling it now.
One by one he would eliminate them. He wouldn't deny what he felt anymore. He'd changed in a way that he didn't necessarily like. He wanted more and he was going to stop apologizing for it. The only way to change what he didn't like was to embrace it and assimilate it. Swallow it whole and spit it out. He would simply dilute it until it no longer existed. He would embrace his masculine energy and gain his manhood. Or regain it if he ever had it. No more shame from Mother.
He'd helped a girl while at work today. She was kind of cute. He'd checked out her ass and thought to himself yeah I'd like to sleep with her.
No comments:
Post a Comment