Journal March 3, 2015

If the only point of the story is to tell you how stupid you are what is the point of that? We
All know how stupid we are. To drill it into our heads again and again serves no purpose.

So I dreamt about L. How pathetic am I? Must the world continue to tell me this? I had a dream of being with my beautiful lover. Ha-ha joke's on you mother fucker.

"In its simplicity this speaks volumes about the condition of Men. It accurately
Expresses a pervasive nihilism that Men must either confront and accept, or be driven insane
In denial for the rest of their lives when they fail to come to terms with the
Disillusionment.

Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he
Thinks she should be capable of."

First rule: make them feel good.
Questions to ask. Sounds like a covert contract. Trap of the nice guy. Why did she leave? Did
I not make her feel good or did she simply find a better offer? If she found a better offer
Does that mean I am less of a man? My mind tells me yes.

Why do I hesitate to talk to beautiful women? Because they are used to men fawning over them.
We’ll stick with logic for a bit.

Next question. Where does my unhappiness stem from?

I still have to continue to practice. If I am to become a great writer it is necessary. I can't remember the first time I said "if other people don't compliment you, compliment yourself."

Don’t deal with fucking psychos. Had drinks with Amy and she flipped out when I said having a tattoo saying serenity was gay.

I overhear conversations. Yoli cuts people down if they aren't in the cool clique. High school shit. But we all still do it.

Saying you want to be great is embarrassing. I act like I’m so above other people and it's just because I want what they have. I have no shame in saying it right now because I’ve turned off the emotions for a bit and am simply writing from a logical point of view.

How many drunk texts have I sent over the years? How many have I received? It tells a story. Always the one looking outside for validation. Yeah it's embarrassing. Plenty of haters will jump on it. The modern vernacular is so.....simple.

A curse on both your houses!