Journal 3/17/2015

Date: 3/17/2015
The Big Events of the Day: 

• Went to the urgent care to get drug tested and physical for delivery job.
• Bought some groceries to make chili.
• It's St. Patrick's Day.

The Goblins in my Head:

• The whole day was about work. Started at 5:30am and worked til 2:30pm. Took a nap when I got home and dreamt about stocking shelves at work. Got up and went to get the drug test.
• Sent documents to EBT and put the woman's purse I found into a mailbox to have it sent back to her.
• Foreclosure is looming over my head.
• Taxes are coming up.

Plan of action:

• Get adequate rest so I'm not tired at work.
• Follow up with driver training so I can make more money.

Thought of the Day: "Be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." 

During my dream when I was taking a nap after work I also dreamt about living in San Diego and apparently living with roommates. I think they were women. I wanted to go to Cass St. bar and grill and maybe Lahaina's. They thought I was foolish for wanting to drive drunk. I wasn't drunk I was just in that state of mind in dreams when you are really tired and it seems the same. I also apparently had entered a woman's body. I looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me. I was blonde and attractive. I wondered to myself if people would treat me different. It also occurred to me that I was projecting the image of a woman and if I didn't keep up the mental energy my real self would show. I guess it was my way of telling myself that I am jealous of the attention women get if they are attractive. I'd like to know how that feels.

Saw a woman at the grocery store and got distracted. I couldn't get a good look at her face but even in her sweatpants and shirt I was attracted to her. Her body wasn't tight and firm but the way she moved my hind-brain told me she'd probably be a good fuck. Now if I can someday build up the nerve to talk to some real life women again maybe I won't just have to fantasize about them. 

It bothered me today that the whole day was about work. Other than cooking and shopping I really didn't have any time to myself. I don't know why I'm dreaming about work. It's happened a few times recently. I don't hate my job. In fact it's pretty easy as long as I get enough sleep. I don't like getting up at 4:30 in the morning however. I don't want that to be what my whole life is about. Working so I can simply keep working and existing. 

I thought about getting a tattoo. Maybe on my left forearm with the words "Be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." Wise council. It is easy to be too naive but you also do not want to be evil.