His mind was on overtime again. The past 36 hours had some pain. He'd messaged an ex after he'd been out drinking. He'd had a lot to drink because he'd almost gotten over her but after he got home she was on his mind and he broke down. Her response was "who is this?" He'd been deleted from her phone and her life. After he told her who it was she did an lol on him. There was no hint of regret from her.

As he sat watching the Sunday morning televangelists he thought about the things he would have to do in the coming week. As the preacher talked about the second coming he thought about what he was going to say when he called the mortgage company. He didn't know if God thought about him but he just had the feeling he'd been jerked around his whole life. Like the failed relationships. Why had the only women he'd loved not loved him in return? To him it was always a chicken and egg ordeal. If he loved them he was afraid of losing them and so he wouldn't know how to act which in turn may have turned them off. Who knows.

"So why’d you give me all them tests if you was never passing me?" When he wrote it down it felt like he was losing ground. He wondered when the scales would be in his favor. He felt he'd been working in the red since the day he was born.

He had a friend who was now an airline pilot. His friend had always know what he wanted to do with his life. He asked himself why did some people have it and some didn't?

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him? He couldn't be happy for anyone. There is a lot of shit out there but is it that hard to find something good and not be cynical about everything?